How to condition children to save their marriage before it starts.
The increasing number of divorces is giving rise to the question what ails the society. Why there is so much of discomfort among the couples. One disturbing trend is that there is a rise in divorce among the elders also. After spending 20 to 30 years in each others company they realize that the children where the only bond that kept them together.
Many reasons can be indicated for the rise in divorce like the modern individuality which gives the people the freedom to live the way they like, others site the interference of in-laws, lack of sexual intimacy, children and religion as the reasons for the expanding number of divorces.
But I would like to say our nuclear family upbringing is responsible for the situation. In olden days there were joint-families and the children lived in their closely knit communities with relatives. They learn how to adjust to situations by watching the family life’s of their relatives. But in today’s world children live in cities, away from their community. They have all the comforts they need and do not have to adjust with anybody. So before they get married it is important that they learn how to save the marriage before it starts.
Nowadays, children are brought up in an isolated, sterilized environment, where they are unaware of the ways of the world. Their only companions are books, television and computer. Their dotting parents do not let them know any hardship. They are petted and pampered and brought up like broiler chickens.
When they get married they marry out of the fantasy created from the imaginative world of book, television and computer. But life is different and they become cynics. They are unable to cope with the anxieties involved in daily life. It is note worthy that children of separated parents adjust faster with their partner. There are two reasons for that:
- The insecure child hood helps them to adapt easily to any situation.
- They do not have any where to run for safety, unlike the children of normal childhood who can always run to their parents for safety.
When parent are so considered to give education and happy childhood to their children they should also be careful when children enter family life. They should also give a basic orientation about family life. Parents should be aware of their shift in role in their children’s life once they are married. Children should be taught to:
Learn to concede: In childhood the children are demanding and the parents concede. But in adulthood they should be taught to concede to the spouse.
Communicate properly: In today’s world children need not communicate properly with their parent ‘coz there are only two or three kids in a family and they get their needs fulfilled even without being told. When they are babies they are overfed, so they do not know how to communicate when they are hungry. As married couples they should learn to communicate their feeling, their needs and dreams with their spouse.
Learn to share: Children today don’t share because of the easy availability of things. When married they should learn to share everything with the spouse. As it is said in the Bible- they unite to become one. Initially sharing food and towels is important because later in the marriage they have to share bigger responsibilities. Buying property will also be simple because they share the responsibility of pulling together money and also to design their new home.
Learn to understand other perspective: Today’s children are like fish. The fish thinks that the water is world, it cannot imagine of world outside it. In the same way youth of today when they get married should understand others perspective. The other person’s ideas and aspirations are not wrong they are just different. Our ideas and perspectives are influenced by the culture, environment and family situation that we are brought up in.